my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
