i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
