chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
