I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
