Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
