you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
