I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
