I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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