Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
