dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
