I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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