I will die if light touches me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
