Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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