If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
