She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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