apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
