I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
