kristin has been a bad kristin
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
