you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
