Im at strip club and am horny
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
