i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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