my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
