The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
