i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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