I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
