Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
