I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
