batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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