then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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