Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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