ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
