just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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