I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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