dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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