just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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