Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
