I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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