I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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