Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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