i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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