Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mom said you looked used
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
