party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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