you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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