we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
