He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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