Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
