i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
