Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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