WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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