opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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