Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
